The Quiet Life of Violet

Not Depressed and a Haircut!

While blog reading, I clicked upon a post of one of my bloggie acquaintances (I'm also sponsoring her blog this month!), Miss Maryam, who is a fellow pregnant lady. Her first little baby is due this June. Check out her blog, Pamplemousse1983, here.

She recently posted and was expressing how she wasn't in love with actually being pregnant. I was going to respond this whole long response on her blog, but I decided to make it a post here!

From her post,"I am not depressed" (which really is not as depressing as it sounds.):

" Things I don't like:

• Being tired
• Being gassy
• Being constipated (gross but true)
• Having to pee all the time
• Getting up in the middle of the night to pee (though I haven't all week thank the Lord)
• Feeling fat
• Feeling bad about not eating healthier
• Not fitting into any of my pants
• Not finding any maternity pants that I like
• People looking at my belly
• Mood swings (like yelling at my husband for no reason)
• Heartburn
• Forgetting words while in conversation...or blogging
                             -Maryam"

Even though this pregnancy is one of my life long dreams and each night that i get into bed with this little baby still safe inside me, there are things that I don't love about being pregnant either.

I find being pregnant scary! When you want something SO badly, with every bit of your soul, the thought of having it taken away form you is so scary. I don't like being scared all the time. I've gone from being terrified of dying from a remission to being terrified of having this Squid taken before its (He? She?!) time. If I could find some way to be less scared, that would be great.

I'm used to having my body feel weird and funky, but for the first time in my whole life, it's for a beautiful reason that has nothing to do with cancer!  I think maybe it's easier for me to adjust to the aches and pains and tiredness,  since I've had to so many times before, even though it never was caused  by pregnancy.

About feeling fat... I've gone my whole life feeling fat. I was a bit heavier before my stomach adventure and had this distorted body image. Then, after I lost all the weight, I finally felt skinny, even though i looked sick-skinny. I was in a friendship where we both were very focused on it and it was just bad for me. I got very judgemental towards others and it was just an ugly time in my life. Since changing my diet and eating Real Foods (those Morning Star Farms "meats" are the from heck!), I've gained a bit of weight, but it's good weight. I no longer look like Ally Mcbeal and I now realize just how gross it was that I was obsessed with being scary-skinny. So, gaining a bit of weight because of this baby doesn't bother me. I wish that my belly was a bit more "baby looking", as it just still looks like I'm pudged out. The belly will come. Keep growing squiddy!

Oh man. The pants. Because of my stomach scar, I only buy jeans with a bit of stretch in them, which has worked in my favor as far as my thickening waist goes. My super lovely friend sent me a super neat maternity jean extender set called Belly Belt.

[Picture Source]

The set comes with four different elastic-y belts for all types of pants and these tummy covers in three different colors for when your belly gets bigger and there is a big gap. So far, I've been using the small extender (no fabric part needed, yet) and I can wear my jeans just fine! I totally recommend this set if you want to keep wearing your regular jeans and they still fit you in the thighs.

I know how Maryam feels about eating poorly. In my first trimester (I CAN SAY THAT NOW!!), I was SO not into food and the few things that I did want, were not super nutritionally dense. I did try and take my vitamins every day and focus on my Omega-3s (brain building material!), but yeah. I had many, many cans of green beans. It was also a bit scary for me to feel so woozy.. it reminded me again of being sick and and my tummy tumor adventure. In these past few weeks, I've gotten my appetite back! I'm making dinner again and having super yummy and healthy lunches and I feel so good about it. It took me a while though and I did have a few meals of (organic, white-meat) chicken nuggets. I'm feeling so much better now that I'm eating better, though.

The gas! Well, if you're close with me (in "real life") you'll know that my intestines after my surgery have been a  bit... gassy. Audibly gassy. Farting is no new adventure for me, although, what is up with all this burping?! I'm like a frat-bro after a toga party. And the burps make ne nauseous if I'm laying down. I have to jolt up in bed and let the burps out so I don't feel like I'm gunna puke. TOTALLY not going to miss that part of being pregnant!

Oh dear! The belly looks! When I first announced that I was pregnant, everyone's first reaction wa sot look at my tummy. My flat, normal looking tummy. I felt like people were thinking that I was a liar! Most of the time when  Dustin andI are out, I'm sitting in my wheel chair and I have my purse over my lap, so people don't really get to look at my teeeny bump. I don't know how I'm going to feel about the belly touching once I get huge. It will probably be when I'm standing (and using crutches) and I'm hoping that people will have the decency to ask before they push on a one-legged, round-bellied lady.

Oh! The mood-swings are up and down. It gets REALLY bad when I'm really hungry and Dustin is learning to just tell me to eat something and we'll talk about what ever is bothering me in a few minutes. Poor Husbands with pregnant women. My heart goes out to you men who get your faces clawed off over not folding the towels the right way. Sorry dudes.


But. BUT! Even after all the being scared and feeling fat and cranky and fart-y, this is one of the best experiences of my whole life. The juice is worth the squeeze! I think that every pregnant woman feels good about being pregnant at some point in their pregnancy. I'm sending so much love and good-body vibes to all of you pregnant women who are feeling unsure about the whole fruit in your womb thing. <3

P.S.~ Tomorrow I'm getting a haircut and I can't wait to share! I don't even know what I'm getting done  - A trim? Something drastic? Stay tuned to find out!

P.P.S ~ I'm too tired to proof read this, so if there are horrible grammatical errors or I forgot a comma, please for give me. Plus, Sookie is calling me and I want AT LEAST 15 minutes of my guilty pleasure before I close my little eyes and sleep.

Flashback Fridays -- Donk

 

Dustin and I are laying here on the couch at him Mom's house after celebrating her birthday at a local pasta house. We, Dustin and I, his parents and younger brother, came home and devoured a splendid cheese cake that his Dad made (A-mazing) and I realized that I forgot to blog today!  I was out most of the day helping Lori at The Nova Studio and then I came home, packed for the evening, wrapped a gift and then crashed out until Dustin got home. I have excuses. ;)

So, back to sitting on the couch. We're browsing through my old photos, looking for inspiration and we came across this jem. Dustin promptly it named "Donk." I don't know why. He said that it had some thing to do with the door handle, wide eyes, him hiding behind my head and the massive cold sore on my lip. Well, I brought up the cold sore part.. I like to think he didn't see it. ;)

This photo was taken on New Years Eve of 2005 in a little Bed and Breakfast in Carmel, California. I was still getting chemo because of the whole "tumor filled lung" thing and New Years Eve just happened to fall on the time in my chemo cycle when I was out of the hospital and was feeling really good, the precious 1/2 of a week where I felt almost "normal."  Here, I was putting my makeup on: eyeshadow, liner, mascara on the few eyelashes that hadn't fallen out yet. Puffy face from steroidsI tried to cover up the lip sore that happened to grace my face (my immune system, like almost every person who is going through chemo, was terribly shot). Blue, cozy knit beanie for my baldie-bald head.

We decided to take a few pictures and, after going though the whole batch, this little gem was the one that Dustin chose for this week's post to commemorate that weekend in our life where we almost felt "normal."

Now, every week feels "normal" and that is something that's worth all of the door knobs, cold-sores, eyelashes and "creepy Husbands who lurk in photos"  in the world.

DONK.

In Canada: Hair Day

(Play this first! Do it. DO IT!)

 

  

 

 

And to top it all off: once we got home, Leigh-Ann and Keith went out on a date and I got Dusitn to flash me during our Skype chat. No picture for that one though. ;D

It was a WONDERFUL day!

Flashback Fridays -- Glow and Glimmer

When I was going through chemo in 2005, I lost all of my hair. Every hair. Every eyelash and brow and nose hair. Every arm hair and  leg hair (which rocked!) and also all the hairs on my unmentionable places. I had the most lovely armpits ever!

I dubbed myself   "Glowworm" due to my smooth, Caterpillar-like body.

I missed, more than anything, my eyelashes, as their absence really put the cherry on my worm-faced cupcake. You can draw in your eye brows and wear a wig, but faking eyelashes is tough business.

If you (or your Mom or neighbor or baby Sister) are going through chemo and you're feeling a bit like a Glowworm, I have one thing I don't ever want you to forget:

1,300 Things to Be Thankful For (week 18)

 

426. Skyping with the love of my whole life (and flashing a boob).  ;D

427. Finding blogs with pretty pictures that the blog owners took themselves.

428. Dance parties in the car.

429. New pack of bobbie pins.

430. Homemade, gluten-free chicken strips


431. Pretty pea-green velvet cushions on Leigh-Ann's couch.

432. The town of Morden, Manitoba.

433. Beautiful patina on vintage door hinges.

434. Plucking out the first few grey hairs.

435. "99 Bottle of Beer on the Wall."

436. Getting tripped up on the freeway when I see the signs --  "Maximum 100" ... that's 100 kilometers per hour, not miles per hour! Gets me every time!

437. Making sugar scrubs for my lips.

438. The cherry chocolate-y brown color of my eyes.

439. "Snap, Crackle & Pop."

440. Giant popcorn bags at the movies.

441. Pretty ponytails on twenty-somethings.

442. This picture I took of myself a few years ago. It makes me realize how much I love my tattoo and my wedding ring.

443. Miniature ponies.

444. Hand-sewn quilts.

445. Pretty boys who speak french.

446. Roadtrips = funny faces and multiple people with bandannas and sunglasses.

447. Holly's business, McKenna Salon & Spa.  The Aveda products were amazing! Ahhhh.

448. Laundry baskets with sweet smelling, freshly folded linens.

449. "This Little Piggy..."

450. Really deep talks with Leigh-Ann. Giggles, God, men, babies, tears & "We gotta go to sleep!"

 

On This Day

[Click this song and then read this post. Please and thank you.]

1) I realized that I need to get my hair cut. I'm going to set up an appointment with either Holly or Jenna while in The 'Peg. They both have rockin' hair and I'm just kind of bumbling along with over grown bangs and a chin-length bob that's grown down to my shoulders.

2) I made chicken soup from scratch. It kicked ass. I ate two giant bowls for lunch and I plan on having it for breakfast tomorrow, too!

I love soup. It's one of my all time favorite foods. It should actually have its own group... right at the bottom of the pyramid.. four servings of soup per day. Yes, ma'am!

I have a set of plastic oriental soup spoons from IKEA and I use it to eat any and all soup that sets up camp in my kitchen.

After making a huge pot of the delicious elixir of yum above, I swiped the meatless bones (organic, I do say!) and I decided try and squeeze out every last drop of delish and made an even yummier broth with red cabbage, garlic, the bones (of course!), white wine and fennel seed. The best part? IT TURNED PINK! Gotta love pink stock! Mauve attack by red cabbage! I bet you could get a picky eater to eat "pink princess soup" with this broth (minus the wine?)!

3) I made brown rice blueberry-walnut pancakes, bacon and eggs for dinner.  It was cozy inside and chilly out and it made the perfect early-fall meal. I feel like I have a lead weight in my gut, but hot-damn it was good! It was actually a two-in-one meal, as the pancakes were more of a dessert. A delicious, topped with pastured butter and organic maple syrup dessert.

I have left-over bacon (applewood smoked, no preservative, no nitrates and Organic! Boo-yea!), and I'm dreaming of the BLT I'm going to have for lunch tomorrow!

4) I like to talk about food. Did you notice?

Hope your day was swell.  Sleep tight!

(That's a salute. It kind of looks like I'm making hand-crocodiles, though.. no?)