The Quiet Life of Violet

Dear Squid-Kid: First Slide

A week ago when your Auntie Effie was visiting, we decided to walk (and roll!) down to the park and take you down the slide for THE FIRST TIME EVER. Auntie strapped you into the Ergo carrier and pushed us up the hill. She tole me that if something went wrong, she'd let me go and save you. I had to laugh because it's true that when you have a baby, you really do come second. Not that I'd want it any other way!

Anyway, Auntie held you close and walked you up the jungle gym. She sat down gingerly with you on her lap, making sure that your hat was snug - it was COLD outside, baby! After posing for the picture above, she inched down slowly and you two were off.

 

You, my little boy, are approaching Big Boy territory with a quickness!

 

 

Dear Squid-Kid: In Your Daddy's Arms

Littlest Man,

I'm with you all day long, holding you, kissing you, feeding and changing you. I dress you and read to you. Cuddle you and sometimes I even ignore your cries when you're in bed fighting the sleep that you so desperately need (I feel so bad, though!). Some days Momma gets a bit burnt out, but one twinkle in your eye paired with one smile on your lips and you hold my whole heart in your chubby, milk-stinky, grubby little hands.

And just when I think that I couldn't possibly love you any more, your Daddy comes home and holds you. Seeing you in his arms, a different perspective from the first half of day that lays behind us, makes my heart swell and puff and fill to the tippy-top with more love than I ever knew existed.

You are amazing, little boy. You a perfect work of art and I am so thankful that I've been chosen to be your Momma.

  I love you.

Forever and always,
Momma. 

Dear Squid-Kid: Three Reasons

Auntie Effie is your Momma's sister - she's your only Auntie. How lucky you are to have such a dedicated, caring & silly person love you, my boy? Make sure you love her extra hard, okay?

 

Three reasons why your Aunt rocks:

 
Last week, you and I drove out to Oakley (that's Momma's home town!) to hang out with Grandma and Auntie. We met up at Chili's and Uncle Joey joined us, too. Auntie E was a little late like usual (just like your Momma, too. Momma is ALWAYS late.) and when she got there she showed pulled up her sleeve, and low and behold, she'd marked herself for you.

 

  
The four of us went out to lunch, your Grandma,  Auntie E, you and I, and you started fussing AS SOON as the food arrived (like usual. This is an everyday event, baby boy),  your Auntie picked you up and fed you a bottle and sung to you. Her meal, french toast and soup (what an odd combo!), sat there getting colder and colder by the minute but she just held you tight and sung you a little song.

 

Last time we spent the night at Grandma's, Momma had to go out to Target and pick up a few things at 9 o'clock at night. Grandma Clark watched you and I called Auntie E. up and asked if she wanted to go with me... she did! We spent a good hour in the store farting around and it was so nice for Momma. Little breaks away help charge my "Momma batteries" and make me a better Mom for you. Big deep belly laughs while Auntie tries on hotdog and spider costumes can also do wonders. 

 

We're so lucky to have her in our life, little Squid!

Dear Squid-Kid: The Two of Us

Yesterday, I planned our morning routine around you and I going out. We needed groceries and since you and Daddy and I were out at the Grandma's all weekend, our fridge was seriously lacking (someday you'll understand what  the words "food" and "fridge" mean, but for now, little boy, you just sick to your milkies). Poor Daddy was going to have to go out and get the groceries after working all day, so I decided that you and I could at least try and do it.

Why, exactly, was it a big deal that you and I went out to the store you might ask? Well, my lovely little one, this trip was our first trip just the two of us. Ever since your birth (it's been 5 weeks now!), we've had someone with us everywhere we've gone. The doctors didn't want Momma to lift anything heavier than you (out of respect to my c-section incision), so up until this point, lifting my wheelchair in and out of the car has been out of the question.

Before you were born, my little man, Momma would go out and about by herself. I would hop to the back of the car and take my wheel chair in and out (I'm buff!) and I've actually done it in a high-heel, too, but that's just Momma bragging now. Seriously though, I really took pride in my independence despite my disability and it's been very hard on Momma not being able to get out of the house without assistance.

Since my incision has healed up nicely and I've been able to do pretty much all of my normal activity without any pain at all, I figured that it was safe for us to try this adventure. I made sure he had a huge "lunch" and was passed out before we took off. I packed his diaper bag - extra diapers, wipes, a binky, binky wipes, hand sanitizer, two changes of clothes, our Panda Pouch, my wallet, keys and phone. Oh dear God, what was I getting myself into?! What if you have an explosive poop and, and... you get you poo all over me and we have to go home with no groceries? What if your pre-trip boob-feast wasn't enough and you start screaming bloody murder in the middle of our trip? What if I can't handle holding you in the Panda, pushing myself in my chair AND pushing the cart like I normally do? What if, heaven forbid, you fall out of the carrier and the whole store screams at me for being a shitty mother. OH GOD.

.

.

.

.

You slept the whole time.

I got everything on my list.

I forgot the brown basamati rice. (Drat!)

I spent $170 and it felt GOOD.

I felt like a Superhero!

We did it, Squiddy!

Just the two of us.

Dear SquidKid: Happy One Month Birthday!

A month (well,  four weeks and one day) ago,  you, my little boy, were born.
(warning: baby private part alert!)

 

You weighed 5 pounds and 7 ounces.

You were 18 inches long.

You had giant feet and the sweetest face.

A whole month has passed, my dear baby. We've had a total adventure!
 


 

 
You had a well baby check up. Guess what, Squiddy?!

You now weigh 6 pounds and 9 ounces!

You are 19.5 inches long from the top of your head to the tip of your toes.

... and you STILL have giant feet and the sweetest face.

 

I love you so super much.

- Momma

Dear Squid-Kid: Your Entrance (part two)

(...continued)

After not sleeping all night (the lady next door finally had her baby, thank heaven), Momma was tired and scared and hungry (they wouldn't let us eat, Squiddy!) and in pain. Daddy woke up and held my hand. Grandma and Grandpa came over around 8:30a.m. and sat with us.

The doctor (not the mean one that threatened us with her harsh words, though) made her way into our room and told us that we were going to begin Pitocin to jump start my labor. After being checked, Momma had not dilated at all. The doctor then went on to tell me that Pitocin was even stronger than the drug that Momma had had last night and she not only wanted to try it on us, but she wanted to work her way into my closed, tucked back cervix and break my water. This was dangerous and Momma was unsure of what to do.

I freaked out and asked for the doctor to come back in a little while after we'd talked about it, and since your heart (which had shown no signs of funkyness -- besides the seven minute smoosh, of course --  since the NST the day before) was stable and on the monitor, she agreed. Daddy called up Miss Michelle, our Doula, and asked her what she thought about everything that the doctor proposed.

Oh Squiddy, we were so lucky to have Michelle. She not only calmed Momma down, but she explained what she had seen go down with women who were in Momma's situation and had had the drugs and procedures done (both good and bad). Her words, which were not pushy or demanding like the doctors',  helped us make an informed decision as a family. Grandma and Grandpa and Daddy and I talked about it for a bit and these were the options that we had:

One: Go home. Just because your heart had two little blips on one Non-Stress Test, didn't mean that Momma would have a "dead baby." We'd go to all my upcoming appointments and regularly scheduled Non-Stress Tests, and then we'd go into labor naturally and have you as planned.

Two: Go ahead with the drugs, see if they worked, even though they could be even more dangerous to both you and I. If a 1/4 of a dose of a drug that was less harsh than Pitocin did what it did to us, what would a full dose of an even stronger drug do to you?  A lot of times, women whose bodies aren't ready for labor (like mine!), elect to get the drugs and end up having some sort of problem that can endanger the baby. Sometimes, even if everything goes all right with the drugs, long hours of hard, un-natural labor might cause the woman to end up needing a c-section due to stress or fatigue.

Three: Cut to the chase and elect to have a c-section. Momma would be rested, and in control and there were no chances of the funky drugs doing anything to you or me.

Your safety and life was worth way more than "trying out" the drugs  and hoping that they wouldn't hurt us, and Momma was WAY too shaken up to just go home and hope nothing happened to you.

The doctor seemed hesitant, but it was my first decision as a mother and I still stand by it. She said we'd have you within the next hour or so. HOLY CRAP! How's that for making an entrance?!

A weight of your possible harm was lifted off of Momma's shoulders and then the room was abuzz with excitement! We called the Grandma and Grandpa Clark and Auntie Effie and Uncle Joey and Matt and Natty. This was a happy, calm situation and we were all so happy!

Daddy put on his scrubs.

[Paging Doctor Daddy. Please report to Momma's room.]

I got a nice hat to wear and the doctors started prepping the O.R. for your arrival.

[I think I pulled the blue off well, no?]

They gave Momma an antacid right before we went surgery that made her puke 'till she saw white dots, but it was reassuring knowing that there was nothing in my belly to interrupt your birth.

We said our goodbyes to our family (both sets of your Grandmas and Grandpas had arrived, as well as your Auntie and Uncle Joey) and they wheeled Momma into the operating room. I was still having slight contractions, but nothing could get dampen my excitement for your arrival. Daddy was allowed to go into the operating room with Momma, Squiddy! Never in my life had I been blessed enough to have someone, let alone the man I love the most, in the operating room with me.

They put an epidural into Momma's back -- I jumped a bit at the first poke, Ouch! -- and then things got crazy. I could feel my back getting numb. Then Momma's butt cheeks, then thighs and legs and ankles and feet. And I MEANT plural feet! It was so weird, I could feel the foot that wasn't there, I could feel my calf and knee. SO crazy! They put a tiny dose (tiny at my urging) of pain meds into Momma's I.V., so I was feeling like a rainbow. I felt as puffy as a unicorn and as happy as a peach. And I was going to meet you soon! And Daddy was there! I swear, Squiddy, it was by far one of the coolest things I've ever experienced.

They let Daddy into the room and he sat beside me and held my hand. I kept asking him if he was okay -- Daddy is just a bit squeamish -- and he said that he was doing fine, but didn't want to look over the curtain. I don't blame him... My guts probably looks a bit gross.

....

and then we heard you.

Your little cry!

You were here and alive and screaming with life!

Everything we had worked and hoped and pray for had come true.

(My heart still swells just writing that!)

I saw them carry you over to the examination table, but I couldn't see much.

I told Daddy to go be with you and to take a picture.

Roman Archer-James Clark

June 19th, 2011

12:23 p.m.

5 pounds, 7 ounces

18 inches long

____

 

And now I have two loves of my whole life.