Is It Normal: Non-Cuddly Baby

Moms (and dads, too!): is it normal for my 4.5 month old baby to not be cuddly?

He will lay on me and sometimes throw a snuggle in the mix, but more often than not, he's an independent boy who fusses if I try and baby-spoon him. He likes tickles and tummy raspberries, but he doesn't often lay his head on my shoulder and cuddle-wuddle unless it's the middle of the night and he's falling asleep. Could it be because he wasn't 100% breastfed? Does he not feel close to me?

Is my un-cuddlebug baby normal or am I just making it out to be more than it is?

Xo,
Worried Momma

Comments

[Sylvie]

Dear Violet, my baby boy is 3 months now and not a big cuddler either (unless he is falling asleep after nursing or in the moby). And since he is only brestfed up until now, I'd say it definitely has nothing to do with the way he's fed! I guess there's babies that just like to cuddle more or less than others...

[Sarah]

My mom always said that I was an independent little tart from the day I was born! Every kid is so unique: I don't think you have to worry too much about whether or not your little Squid feels close to you. Right now (and at least until grade school comes along and you then become "yucky" and "please Mom, not in front of my friends"), you are his bestie 4ever!

[Deanna]

you know, i never even thought about my oldest son being un-cuddly...until my youngest (the super cuddler) was born. so nah, i think it's perfectly normal. :)

[Caitlin]

I'm not a mom but my niece was almost totally formula-fed and is very cuddly (only with her mom and dad though, and sometimes with my husband...weird!), but she also isn't super independent. I think some babies are just born independent and their personality shines through early! You're doing great, mama! <33

[[email protected]]

My daughter is now 3 and a half and was never cuddly. I breastfed her for 9 months. Cuddles are on her terms, and I have to practically bribe her to get them, but she is an independent charming little thing. I am seriously tactile so would love to have more cuddles but accept this is just how she was made. So don't fret!

[Beth]

It's normal! I worked at a daycare and the babies there are always bottle fed (with us anyway!) and the ones that were never breastfed were cuddly, and sometimes they weren't. Trust me it has nothing to do with that! Maybe he's just not a super cuddly kid, he likes his independence!

[Jennie]

It is totally normal! My sister's oldest was non-cuddly from the early weeks. He never wanted to cuddle or be kissed unless he was the one who initiated it. He is now a very sweet and kind 1st grader who still isn't cuddly but playful and fun. Her second is the complete opposite. If he doesn't get enough cuddles in one day, he let's it be known. About the breastfeeding part, I am not sure but I greatly doubt that it is the cause. My sister was unable to breastfeed her first fully from the beginning because he couldn't latch on her well but did breastfeed her second for a few months. I really feel that the major reason for the difference in their personalities, though, is from their personality types.

[alison hillaby]

Oh sweet Violet. It has not one thing to do with how he was fed. and he loves you more than anyone (ok, tied with Dad). It's just that he isn't a cuddler. my little man who is now 5, wasn't much of a cuddler, and now gives the best hugs in the whole world! just give him time. he'll start to know that you need the cuddles.

[Jenn]

I went through the same thing. Everyone would always tell me how sweet their little ones were and how they would snuggle after naps (mine always cried upon waking) and snuggle all day in their arms when they were a newborn. I never had that, even. BUT now my 13 month old is a little cuddle bug. It will happen when they are ready. My daughter was 100% breastfeed too but I don't think that has anything to do with it. Just be patient and know that little one loves you like crazy!

[Stacey Ball]

My son only breast fed for about 3 weeks. He was cuddly so don't worry about yours not being cuddly because he didn't just breast feed. Every child is just very different. It's nothing you are or aren't doing, he's just an independent cutie pie!

[Little Gray Pixel]

Perfectly normal, I say.
Just like some adults aren't cuddly, some babes aren't, either.

[Renae]

My 11 month old was fully breastfed and has never been super-cuddly. I think the thing about babies, is there is no "normal". If he's happy then he's perfectly fine :-)

[Lisa Marie]

My second daughter was like this. Coming off a high of cuddling and kissing love from my first daughter, I actually thought my youngest was Autistic (well, and there were a few other factors in there, too, but it all turnd out to be a personality thing)! Not until she turned 2 YEARS OLD did she finally start cuddling (and asking for me to cuddle with her). It made me worry and feel bad/mean/whatever because I would try to make her when she didn't want to, but looking back, she was (and is) a very loving, cuddlesome little girl in her own time/way...she just wanted her space....and still does! (She didn't want me to hold her and rock her to sleep, only rub her back...and she never wanted me to stop once I started!) Even to this day, she can't sit still or be "caged" in anyway. Don't worry AT ALL! Us moms don't usually see it until our kids are over 4 yrs old, but even as babies they are showing us their personalities, likes and dislikes, etc.

[Kacie @ A Collection of Passions]

Don't worry! All babes are so different! I nannied for 10 years and some babies are cuddlers, others aren't so much. Don't force it. My daughter was starting not to be really cuddly around the same time as yours (and I really wanted a cuddly baby... I mean I could make it a profession) so I just started spending five minutes each day hugging her and quietly cuddling. Some days she was into it, others not and now she's a big cuddle baby! Yay! I think when they start to see the world around them they want to explore it and see what's up. If you are consistently there he will come back once he's checked it out a bit.

xo
Kacie

[Melaine]

My now 10 year-old was cuddly from the moment we met. I actually wasn't a cuddly person before I had him; hugs and such made me uncomfortable. This of course changed once I had him. Even now he loves to hug and cuddle, so when I had another baby I expected the same from her. As it turned out she wasn't really into being hugged; she didn't even let me hold her on my shoulder in classic burping a baby pose. She wanted to look around and experience the world, not stare at her same old mom. As nutty as it may sound, it was important to me that I cuddle her. I suppose I didn't want to have such a physically loving relationship with one child and not the other and have resentment grow from one of them. And I guess I also had a point to prove; as an adult I once mentioned to my mother that it upset me that she had never hugged or cuddled me growing up and she remarked that I just wasn't a cuddly baby and there was nothing she could have done about that. So I just kept hugging and loving my daughter, and guess what? Now at 16 months she is absolutely completely a cuddle monster. I'm not sure how often my method would work with most children, but it worked for me. And now I get cuddle sandwiches (though I really do think my days are numbered with the 10 year-old.)

[Linda]

Don't you worry...my son will be one in a few weeks and has just started to cuddle. When we play with blocks or read books together he cuddles his little head against my neck. Still not the biggest cuddle monster but that's okay.

Don't fret!!