Yesterday Was Friday

Oh. My. Gosh.

 

Thursday after the ultrasound and during the pedicures that Leigh-Ann and I were getting, I got a call. I let it go to voice mail since chatting on the phone while with a friend who flew over 1,000 miles to see me just isn't my style.  I listened to the voice mail later and was informed that I had been schedule for a Non-Stress test on Friday, the next day.

I had a whole fun Friday planned out for us and an appointment that was scheduled without my consent and without reason, just wasn't going to happen. I decided to call first thing on yesterday and get it straightened out.

Once I was able to get ahold of the nurse, she directed me to the Non-Stress Test (NST) technician and the conversation included such terms as:

• Ultrasound Doctor called last night
• Urgent
• Baby is too small
• Problems
• HAVE to come in for the test
• Possible heart problems
• Possible emergency c-section

Yeah, I flipped the freak out.  I had, in my head,  convinced myself that it was over. The end of Squid.

I call my Doula, Michelle, and tell her what's going on and she so soothing. She tells me not to worry and that the nurse was TOTALLY out of line to even mention anything that she did. That she actually had to have NSTs with her daughter and she failed a few. That if, for some reason, they wanted to do a c-section, to tell them that I was going to need a day (unless Squid was in peril danger, of course) to go home and pack and think about it. To not let anyone bully me into anything, because they do. I can tell you first hand that they do, from cancer doctors to baby doctors, most want to fit you into THEIR schedule, with little thought about what's best and most calming for you.

I texted Dustin and told him that he HAD to come with me. He was training the guy who is taking over his route (Dustin has been promoted to manager), so they were in the middle of their day. Bub was able to do some magic trick and ended up being able to meet me half way and he came with me to my appointment. We get lost (how, I don't even know) on the way, ended up being 15 minutes late. I cried most of the way and Dustin cursed, mostly for getting lost and the nurse who scared me and a bit for how messed up his day was, too.

 

Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh.


The leaves rustle outside the room where I lay on a hospital bed, monitor strapped to my little belly. Tears  fall. My heart, head, eyes hurt. My heart HURTS. Dustin has to sit outside in the waiting room, as there are other ladies (with huge bellies) also getting the same test done in the four-bed room.

I email my Mom on my phone. Listen to the "whoosh" of Squid's heart beat with bitter fear. Try and read an outdated InStyle magazine and just end up getting frusterated while I skim across pictures of pregnant movie stars. They don't have huge bellies either, though. I can't bear to touch my tummy because the thought of having Squid cut from me makes me want to vomit.

Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh.

After a good 45 minutes of laying there, it's determined that Squid's heart beat and response to what ever is going on inside my womb is fine. He's FINE. He's small, in the bottom 10 percentile, but he moves and his heart is strong and my placenta is fabulous, as well as my blood pressure.

Dr. M., My normal doctor's partner,  reassures me that the baby is strong and was only worried since I have protein in my urine, an indication of Pre-eclampsia, but I inform him that I've have protein in my pee even before I was pregnant due to my Whipple Procedure. He said that some babies are just small, and since he's pretty much ruled out fetal stress, placental abnormalities and Pre-eclampsia, that it might just be that he's going to be small. Perfect, but small.

I tell him about the woman who mentioned emergency c-section. His eyes widen. He is visibly angry that someone in his office would say that to any patient. DAMN RIGHT. He tells me that he's defiantly going to have a "talk" with his nurses and this really relieves me

I spent a whole day feeling like my heart was being ripped from my chest and beat with a wiffle ball bat.

And he's fine.

 

 

Dustin, Leigh-Ann and I are off to go celebrate this small boy with family, my second shower.

<3

 

Comments

[Caitlin]

I'm so glad everything was fine, and how awful of that nurse to scare you so! I swear to god those people just aren't thinking sometimes. Hopefully that doctor straightens them out because that is seriously not okay. <3

[Joyful Sparrow]

I'm happy everything is ok. You know, maybe this is weird, since I know you solely from the pages of your blog, but there are moments throughout the day when you pop into my mind, and I often find myself thinking positive, healthy, healing thoughts for you and the tiny guy growing inside you. You've made a significant impact on my life; your strength and love are an immense inspiration to me, and I just wanted you to know that I'm cheering for your little family, and sending warm hugs to you, this beautiful stranger, hoping you see all your dreams come true.

[Heather Lynne]

Very glad that everything is fine. Just found your blog. My baby boy is 5 months and small, also, but super healthy and developmentally ahead. I hate how stressful everything can be during a pregnancy.

[Larissa]

Oh my gosh, I cannot even imagine how angry I would be. I know exactly what you mean about bully doctors. And when there are situations where you are under incredible amounts of stress, you don't need their BS. I'm sorry that nurse was so rude and idiotic on the phone. She's suppose to be supportive and caring and instead she caused you necessary pain and stress that could have been dangerous to your or your precious baby.

I hope the rest of your doctor appointments go by without any more hiccups and I hope you get the best care in the world with the best doctors and nurses in the world, because you deserve it!

<3

[Megan Van Sipe]

OH my goodness that was so intense to read!!! I can only IMAGINE how horrible you must have felt, not knowing what was really going on and why they would say such things to you. You'd think they would never say anything was wrong unless they were 1000% sure, as to not scare you and STRESS you while you're trying to grow a baby! My goodness. I'm soooooo relieved that everything turned out to be okay!!!!!!! Little Squiddy is going to be beautiful and perfect and healthy and strong. HUGS!!
XO Megan

[Sarah]

OH MY GOODNESS! I am so happy you BOTH are ok! What a horrible scare - I'm so sorry you had to go through that! But again, so so sooo happy you both are ok! <333

[Miranda]

oh my goodness, I was so upset reading how that nurse scared you. I've had issues with this pregnancy and at one point they thought that I would go into preterm labour at 22 weeks.

At that point, I had 3 doctors at the hospital(none of them mine) tell me that if my baby was born at this age, he would die. Just like that, it was horrifying. Being pregnant and emotional, I swear I cried buckets. Thankfully, things are not that terrible, and I just needed bedrest. Just frustrating that they do that, scare the crap outta you.

I am so glad that squiddy is ok though :) Hes going to come out and be perfect and wonderful.

[Eliza]

Oh NO! Dear Violet, that must have been just pitch-dark-awfulness in your heart and mind. So so so so glad & relieved squiddy is OK! I too do find myself thinking about you every now and again during my day, sending prayers and good thoughts your way.

Lots of love and strenght to you and Squiddy and to your wonderful husband!

Love & hugs, Eliza

[Little Gray Pixel]

Doctors really are bullies! I got a lot of that during my pregnancy, too. In fact, they went so far as to schedule the C-section without my consent. I hadn't even DECIDED whether I was going to take the C-section advice yet!

[_BlueBalloon]

i've been away from my favorite blogs the last week or so, and this is the first post i read. it gave ME quite a scare and i can only imagine how you must have felt. i'm so relieved for you. i'm so sorry you had to deal with such insensitive medical professionals. and so happy to hear your little squiddy is doing just fine. xo.

[Michelle]

I'm so glad everything is ok. I can only imagine how awful that was. Both of mine are small and wonderful each in their unique little way. Squid will be perfect no matter what size he is.

[Judy (Keith's Mom)]

Sometimes a smaller baby is easier on the body. I'm sure Roman will be just as healthy as a bigger baby. Both my kids were ten pounds, and that can be hard (more stitches). Don't worry!!!

[Bekka]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad you and Squiddy are okay! Hugs!

[Chelsea]

Im so sorry they did that to you!! It's not fair to be scared that way over the phone! I had a similar thing happen to me when I was pregnant with my twins. I'am SO GLAD SQUID IS OK!

[Sharon]

I'm SO happy that everything turned out alright Violet. Why do some hospital staff feel they need to tell you everything that they shouldn't, and scare the #%@? out of you. Love you Vioet!

Momma

[tassie]

Kamika was 5lb7 and Cooper 6lb. People with gestational diabetes have huge babies, but the babies are usually unwell, and have to spend time in the NICU, so try not to worry. sending you TONS of hugs. If you want to make your dr happy, go bulk up on McDonalds....doesn't mean you'll be healthy, but you WILL gain weight. I lost over 60lbs when I had Cooper

[Kamika]

oh sweetheart i just read this post now and i am so sorry to hear that you had to go through that!!!!!! I would like to bitch slap that nurse! you poor thing, love and hugs to you and your perfect lil squid kid. My bug is small too, barely 6 pounds, but she is JUST FINE! squid kid is too!!!

[Alli (One Pearl Button)]

OH my gosh, that is horrible! What was that nurse thinking?? I hope she gets some very strong words from the doctor. So glad that squid is okay!