The Quiet Life of Violet

Flashback Fridays: I Got To See The End.

Lost came out in 2004. After my Mother's urging, I started watching it and soon became HOOKED. Like, majorly hooked, but not quite.. "druggy" hooked. Not so hooked that I had a note book and wrote theories and drew doodles with "I <3 Sawyer" ('cause he's a major babe). 

In June of 2005, we found out that my cancer had come back, for the first time since childhood, in my right lung. I remember being in Stanford, the hospital, with my Mother, laying on that terribly plastic hospital bed, freezing and puking, sleeping and feeling like utter crap.

My Mom and I used to watch Lost together. The T.V. was tiny, but there were subtitles, so it was sufficient. If not in the "House of Germs" (Mom's term), we'd watch Lost together in the at home, Tivo-ing if we were too tired to stay up. 

I remember being so sad and feeling so desperate. I remember crying and being so scared for my life. Scared that I would die. That I'd wither away and my life would become this sad, after-school movie story. My soul would ache and I kept secretly praying and begging -- "Please let me live. I want to DO things. I want to buy a  house. I want to have babies.. I.. I... I want to see the end of Lost." In my head, I even came up with the idea to write a letter to the CEO of ABC, asking them to share the ending with me, a poor little dying girl, if it came down to that. I'd promise not to tell anyone and the secrets would go to the grave with me. (I wonder if they would have done it?) Yeah, my state of mind sometimes dipped into this huge jar of negative sauce, but it was warranted. :)

After I got better, I begged Dustin to watch it then he was hooked. We continued to watch it together, episode after episode. I'd talk with my Mom on her lunch breaks about the episodes until she finally got fed up with the confusing storyline and stopped watching. Dustin and I  stopped watching it on TV around the middle of the third season, for some reason, too.

On a whim, we picked up some of the seasons on DVD and decided to have Lost marathons and watched the first through fourth seasons back to back... two or three episode a night. Ha!

I got sick again and then got better again, and last winter, we watched the fifth season (my favorite) together through Netflix.  More date nights, but this time, we made the episodes last. We had to resist the urge to watch more than two episode a night and spread the viewings out over a few weeks. We'd eat artichokes and oven baked cod with our eyes glued to the T.V.. Mounds of vegan mac-and cheese (I wasn't eating cheese at that point) with peas and corn on the cob. Tacos and hot tea and Locke. Pieces of Lost's story were slowly falling into place, new characters were being introduced and still there were so many questions to be answered. Characters found new lovers in old friends, the past and present became interwoven in this massive, meaningful blanket that was Lost. We loved every second of it.

 By the time the last season, the sixth, premiered in February, we were all caught up. Bubby and I watched each fresh episode every week on Hulu together. More artichokes and cuddles and cod.

This past Sunday was the last episode. The end. No more. Fin. So many of my friends talked about how sad they were that it was ending and I was, too. And then, when Dustin and I were watching the second to last episode, it hit me....

I cried the happiest, most thankful tears. A blubbering mess. Dustin looked at me like I was possessed until I explained it to him....

I've made it. 

I'm alive.

I got to see the end.

Flexipe #2: Quick and Easy Pizza Sauce.

Quick and Easy Pizza Sauce              

I whipped up this quick and easy pizza sauce one day after realizing that spaghetti sauce doesn't quite cut it on a pie. The spag sauce, I discovered, made my crust all watery and was all liquidy and gross. No bueno, folks!

This recipe is flexible in that you can kind of fudge around with the proportions of the ingredients to your liking!

Gluten Free. Vegan. Soy free. Yummy.

Directions:

First, you take one can of tomato paste (I used a 6 ounce can of Trader Joe's Organic paste) and plunk it into a bowl.

Next, add a splash of red wine, about two Tablespoons.

Take two large cloves of garlic (more if you like things really garlicky and less if you don't) and mince. I use this SUPER awesome garlic gadget that I got at Target called the Chef'n Garlic Zoom. Dude, if you dislike the mincing process as much as I do (I'm always terrified I'm gunna lop off my fingers.. and ruin the garlic.), spend the ten bucks and pick one up. It's even kid friendly, once it;s loaded up. I bet your kidlettes would love to help you and glide the little gadget across the counter like a race car!

Take three fresh basil leaves (dried is fine, use about... a teaspoon)

Use a nice sharp knife and chop to desired size (Big ribbons? Tiny specks? medium sized chunks?). I like nice, Chicklet sized pieces.

I like to add a bit of agave for sweetness. It's a liquid sweetener made from the agave plant (tequila, baby!) and has a low glycemic index, which means that it hits your blood slowly and gives you very little, if any, of a sugar rush. Hate those sugar rushes. Yuck.  I used about a teaspoon. I get it from Trader Joe's, also organic. You could use honey, apple juice concentrate,

Next, add about a good tablespoon of good quality olive oil. I use Trader Joe's Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil. I like Trader Joe's.. can you tell?! :)

Next, extra spices! I love fennel. LOVE it! I use about a 1/2 teaspoon and give it a nice chop, then plop it in the bowl. Dustin like things a little spicy, so I add either chipolte powder or ground cayenne. Just a bit to start! A little shake. Or, if you don't want any spice, skip it, baby!

[Why, thank you, Mr. Lemon. Your assistance in holding my bottle was greatly appreciated!]

Now, give it a mix! Stir it really well, making sure to get all of that olive oil incorporated.  Now taste the sauce and add salt to taste. SALLLTTTT. Mmmmm. (Salt and I go way back. Sometimes, we sneak away from Dustin and have long weekends together. Don't tell, okay?)

Now, this makes a thick sauce, which I like. If you want it a little thinner, add a bit of veggie/beef/chicken broth, or some water. You could get fancy and add different teas or even juice (V8?). I'd start with a Tablespoon, mix and taste.  Now, stir time! Give the sauce a good mix, taste and make any adjustments. More sweetener? More garlic or cayenne? More wine? (You Wino!) A little oregano or rosemary? It's all up to you!

Makes enough to cover a 14 inch pizza heavily (this is without any extra liquid -- the thick style sauce) with about a tablespoon leftover.  I'm sure if you thin it out, you could stretch this to cover two of those pre-made, 12" crusts. 

Ideas:

* Use the sauce on pre-made crusts for a quick dinner.

* Make a Pita Pizza by stuffing a pita pocket with sauce, toppings (veggies, cheese, meaties, fake meaties, herbs, etc..) and bake until cheese (if using) is melty.

* French bread pizzas! Melty meatball sandwiches!

* On baked potatoes, like THIS chicky does. 

* As a dip for bread sticks!

* You can also eat it with a spoon, like I do. Seriously. BUT! Don't eat more than a few spoonfuls unless you have a stomach of steel.. the acid will give you a tummy ache. Not that I'd know from experience. ;)

Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to link back in the comments sections if you try this Flexipe and blog about it!

xx (double cheek kiss),
Violet

Flashback Fridays - And Then There Was One

On August 5th, 2005, I had a Pneumonectomy.  My family, both Mother and Father's side, Dustin's family and our friends gathered to see me off into my new life with one less organ. I can't imagine what it was like.. just waiting, in an unfamiliar waiting room, not knowing if your wife/daughter/sister/niece/friend was still living behind those sterile, metal doors.

I remember being in the pre-op room, where they give you an I.V. and then give you some awesome drugs to help calm you down. I remember they made me take my contacts out and it felt so weird to be "getting ready for bed" in the middle of the day. There is a moment before surgery, while you're alone,  just the anesthesiologist wheeling you into the operating room, where life becomes very clear. Those moments are the closest to God that I've ever felt. Like, when you're watching a movie and you know it's the end, but the director drags the scene out for a few seconds. Where everything is quiet. Where the world kind of slows and you KNOW that none of the stupid, everyday stuff matters. That money doesn't matter. That shoes and houses and cars and movies don't matter. That taxes and jobs and vacations don't matter. It's just you, your breath, your heart beats and those last thoughts. That last prayer, the last plead with God is all that really matters.

[And then, She woke up.]

Like, Dislike: Round One.

Play a game with me. List a few quirky, random things that you like and dislike. Don't be afraid to be a little spicy! ;)

Dislike:

*phrases like -- > LOL and UR and LMFAO. They piss me off every time I see them. 

* Bad drivers. Okay, if you're in the fast lane (the left most lane on a road or freeway that has more than one lane) and you decided to go the speed limit (65) and I come up behind you and want to go faster than you, scoot the hell over. Seriously... you raise my blood pressure and force to send bad vibes your way. Be a considerate driver, even if I AM speeding!

*Generic artwork on people's walls. If you're gunna put something up,  have it MEAN something!

* I cAn'T sTaNd It WhEn PeOpLe TyPe LiKe ThIs. ... It looks stupid --  just don't do it.

* The days when I feel fat. I dislike that I let how I'm feeling about my body on any given day, dictate my mood. And, even more so, I totally dislike how in my mind, me being fat = bad. I'm really not judgmental towards others about weight and I even tend to like the shape of  heavier women than stick skinny chicks, but when it comes to me, when I see some flub or feel chunky, it's just the pits. I know I'm not alone on this one and I also know that's it's related to how I felt about my body growing up. Yuck.

Like:

* The feeling of the sheets on your toes first thing in the morning when you're perfectly comfortable. And that first full body stretch.

* Going to the Dentist. Scrape my gums and floss my teeth? Yes, please! It's like a spa trip for my mouth.

* I love it when I'm down in L.A. (visiting my dear friends John and Bree) and I get to hear Bree sing here and there. in the car, in a restaurant, at the hotel.. she always seems to be humming or quietly singing something and it just soothes my soul.

* The amazing Stephanie Nielson. She gives me hope and strength and her kids are cute enough to be little GAP models. Her story is inspiring and will make you appreciate what you've, just like she does.

* I honestly, with my whole heart, 100% love produce. Leigh-Ann can attest to that.  Nothing makes me feel better than having my kitchen clean and the fridge stocked full of fresh fruits and vegetables. 

* The thought and hope that this time, next year I will have a new born baby in my arms.  Wish us luck! Next month, the makin' begins!

* My lovely friend Natalie's bunny Mr. Nubz. I can't wait to fluff up his puffy little coat next month when I see him!

* When Dustin does, what I've dubbed, "The Ice Cream Shuffle," on the way to the freezer when he wants to get his dessert on.  It look something like  this (look at minute 1:08):

My little Grinch!

What do YOU dislike and like?

Flashback Fridays - The Cut

In 2005, when I learned that I had a stupid, crappy tumor in my right lung and after my first round of chemo, I decided to go a little bad-ass with my hair .  My sister, Effie, who has always been a bit of a bad girl, was more than happy to help her once Martha Stewart - wannabe sister, live a little on the edge. You know, as far off the edge as the chemo leash will let you go. If my right lung ( I keep tying "lunch!") AND my hair were going to be stolen from me, I refused to let it go with a hint of "F-you."

[And he loved me through all of it.]

Mommy...

... I love you.

Happy Mother's Day.

Oh! I can't forget my wonderful, amazing Mother in law, Linda, either. Sadly, I don't have any pictures of her and I together.... I smell a photo shoot in the works!

Love you both!