So, as you know, we've been given approval to have another baby. I thought I'd be cheeky and try and see if we could make one that night after my appointment (since I have been charting and it was THE day), but Mother Nature came for a visit this weekend and then I felt really stupid. Somehow thinking that since we'd gotten the "okay" that it would just happen automatically. A friend and I have been trying to get pregnant at the same time and I had prayed so hard that if only one of us could get pregnant this month, that it be her because I felt like she needed it more than I did. Guess what? I got what I asked for! I'm over the moon excited for her! Seriously. So happy! I was disappointed at my body at first for not joining the party, but then I drank a whole Kombucha (what a rebel) and took lobster hot showers and curled up on the heating pad (on high, none the less) most of the weekend and I'm over the sadness. I would be excited for this next month, but Dustin has a mandatory business weekend in Seattle during my next THE day, so unless I've got a majorly hospitable uterus, this month will be a bust, too.
Sometimes I get sad (and pick fights with Dustin about said business weekend) and just want to be pregnant NOW, but when it's meant to, it will happen. If that's one thing that being a mother has ingrained into my head, it's that my hopes and wants and "needs" may not be what God has planned out for me and I trust Him with everything. I choose to surrender and accept the gifts and trials that He lays in my path and face them with my "grace face" even if I'm disappointed and whining on the inside. I don't believe that God would lay anything in front of me that I could not handle and the one time he does will be the one time I die. I have to check myself and constantly remind myself that no matter how hard whatever I'm facing is, it's probably not going to be the things that kills me, and whatever I'm facing suddenly seems so much easier on my heart.
Oh life, you are amazing and I love you.