Yesterday my distant cousin passed away. She was 22 years old and beautiful. Her life was ripe and her future bright, yet, for some reason, she was meant for earth no longer.
She also had the SAME exact cancer that I've struggled with. Osteosarcoma, or bone cancer.
Her story was a little different than mine in that her cancer metastasized (tumors that pop up in addition to the "big" tumor) in more spots than mine had ever had, and she was a bit older than I was the first time she was diagnosed. They say the longer it takes between recurrence (hers came back once after the initial diagnosis), the better the prognosis, or survival outcome. Her cancer came back a year after the first find - mine was ten years, then two years. I've had cancer four times and am still living. She had it twice and is no longer on Earth.
My heart doesn't understand why things work like this.. why some live and some die so young. My heart hurts as I type this and Dustin and Roman's beautiful faces peek at me via the picture on my desktop.. She won't have that. She will never have have a baby. She will never be pregnant or married or a Mother, and those realities have bruised a piece of my soul so deeply.
I am lucky.
I am so damn lucky.
I am scared.
I want to be this little boy's mother for the next 50 years.
I don't want cancer to take that away from me.
I am thankful.
Every little sneeze, farty fist clench, scream inducing bath and calm 3 a.m.feeding, all of it is a total gift from God. I am eternally grateful for what I've been blessed with.
Please God, please let me be this boy's Momma and this man's Wife for the next 50 years.