At my Non-Stress Test today, we noticed that my Squiddy fluids are a little lower than normal and I haven't gained weight in two weeks, so this will be our last weekend as two.
I may just have this boy on the EXACT day that I wanted to, June 20th.
Our boy is coming...
I think I may have just peed my pants a little.
My amazing Doula, Michelle, came over last night for our 2nd to last appointment before Squid comes. I thought it was the last, but she's going to come over again once more a few days before my due date, if I make it that far.
With Squid's small size, my Doctor, Dr. J., has had me doing these Non Stress Tests (NSTs) twice weekly to make sure that his heart is okay and that he's responding like a healthy baby should. To date, he has passed everyone of the NSTs with flying colors. He's a champ already
[At Monday's NST]
Why the continued NSTs, you're asking? They are worried that he's not growing "big enough", according to averages, for one of four reasons:
1) There's something genetically wrong with him. (Which we've pretty much ruled out)
2) My body isn't good at absorbing what I'm eating due to my Whipple Procedure, and Squid isn't getting all that he needs from me, hence the small size. (Which is possible)
3) There is something wrong with my placenta or his cord, which is preventing him from getting what he needs even though my body IS able to provide it (oxygen, nutrients, etc). (Which, according to the cord scans, is not the case)
4) He's just a small baby. Some small Moms have small babies. (What we're hoping for)
I asked Dr. J. what he though the birth might go like and he gave me two scenarios:
1) If Squid still isn't growing "enough" when I get an ultrasound next Thursday, he will schedule me for a c-section a.s.a.p.
2) If Squid IS growing, I'll keep going to the twice weekly NSTs and Dr. J. will induce me at 39 weeks.
In talking with Michelle last night, we went over all three situations: natural labor, c-section and being induced.
I really, REALLY want it to happen naturally. I don't want to have surgery. I've had my fair share of being cut into, anaesthesia, I.V.s, mask covered nurses, iodine covered body parts and staples. It makes me anxious just thinking about it. I'm a planner, I like to know how things will go.
Being induced almost guarantees that I'll need an epidural, an I.V. and will be stuck to the bed with a NST machine on my belly the whole time. The contractions are sudden and strong, not gradual like natural labor, and the pain can be relentless. With inductions usually comes narcotic pain relievers which can (and do) effect both me the baby. This is often a slippery slope that leads into a C-section, so we're back to the surgery route.
I don't want to be a patient, attached to an I.V., with a blood pressure cuff suffocating my arm. I don't want to be tethered to a bed, with an ugly gown, the machines beeping. I really DON'T want that. It makes my heart hurt just thinking about it. It reminds me of being bald and being pumped with chemo drugs and feeling like a caged animal.
Of course, that's the selfish, slightly traumatized side of me, and I want you all to know that I will do whatever needs to be done to get this baby into the world safe and sound. I would fillet a bunny if it meant that he'd be born all right. I'd join the circus or tattoo monkey butts all over my body. I'd eat nothing but peas for a year or clip Dustin's toenails with my teeth. I'd give away our car or never wear makeup again or shave my head for the rest of my life if it meant that he'd be okay. I will face my fears and allow myself to be cut into and stapled up and poked with needles and drugged all for him. It's all for him.
I'm just a little scared.
- Hiccup baby! Squiddy gets the hiccups at least once a day... Usually it happens right after I start eating. *chew, chew, blip!, chew, swallow, blip!* I wonder if he knows my tummy gurgle/digestion noises? SO amazing!
- Non-Stress Tests. Twice weekly I make the 35 minute trek out to Walnut Creek for my tests. Little belly straps, some jelly and a whole lot of wooshing! It's kind of reassuring for me to hear his heart beat and know that he's doing okay, but the drive and time is kind of inconvenient. Traffic sucks! (He's worth all the traffic in the world, though)
- Sleeping with seven. I now sleep with seven pillows, as it's getting harder for me to breathe (with my little one lung) if I'm not upright somewhat. I sleep with: a wedge, my regular pillow and a throw pillows under my head/shoulders, a pillow under my back, a pillow under each arm and one under my knee. Poor Dustin gets, like, 1/3 of the bed. Sleeping USED to be one of my favorite things, but now I much prefer to be awake and full of air and comfortable!
- Folding, sorting swooning. Little laundry has become a part of my life. And I couldn't be happier about it. Although, those tiny socks will SURELY be eaten by the dryer monster sooner or later.
- Hard belly hurts. I've been getting stronger and stronger Braxton Hicks contractions and sometimes they hurt. Oh boy, this whole no pain medication thing is going to be tough!
- Pushing my buttons. For the past few days, I get these really hard, painful, achy cramps. Once it even hurt so bad that it went down into my thighs. Then, I'll feel some really hard kicks, Squiddy will adjust and the pain goes away. It's getting crammed up in there!
- Speaking of crammed. It's hard to eat enough to help this boy gain more weight when he likes to hog all the belly room and squish my intestines! Just a few more weeks, Squiddy and then you can spread out like never before!
- Nervous. I've been reading The Birth Book by Dr. Sears and all the talk about crowning, tearing and pain is making me a bit... scared. I KNOW that my body was designed perfectly for this, but I may be developing stage fright! Any Words of wisdom from all you moms?
- Tired Pigs. My foot easily gets sore as of late. Wanna know one fo the perks of being in a wheelchair? Insta-foot rest while lounging on the couch! Boo-yeah! Lemonade out of lemons, hey?
Our Squiddy is due in 22 days.
He may even come before that.
This event will change us.
Our lives will never be the same, and for once, that's a great thing!